A Return to Communication! A Poem about Loving Myself! Maybe communication is loving myself! WOOOOAAAHHHHH

Oh the Juicy Yummy Goodness of writing, of output! It can all seem so arbitrary at times, right? But that doesn't matter, what matters if the feelings excited in my belly by writing things down, by sharing them with others. Hello Others, already so much closer than we could have ever expected.

I am grateful to share this moment with you.
First I am going to catch up a weeeeee bit but if you'd just like to read a poem you can scroll to the bottom of this post.

I am signing back on to this blog because I think we have more conversations to have. I'd like to hear from you. So this is me leaving you the first voicemail. Tag. You're it. Ha.

Since we last shared moments, I have been in many places. Physically, my body has rolled around the island of Puerto Rico, it has sublimated into ether on the mountains of Tennessee, it has condensed into cold rock at the altitudes of Colorado, and it has spread broadly into the countless memories and creativities of Upstate New York. Emotionally and spirituality, well shit. That is many stories. All of which have shaped me into this present moment, so though we can't catch up on all the juicy details I trust that the all tastes I've accumulated along the way will flavor the words I put out today.

What's real right now:
I am living alone in a one room cabin in New Paltz, NY.
I am spending most of my time on self-healing practices, which right now looks like yoga, journaling, and meditation.
I am alive.
I am very excited to use this space to get real about healing, about gender, about hope. Themes coming up are boundaries, commitment, lunar ritual and coughing.

For now, here is a poem I wrote in my attempts to address my intention of the day: Absurd Obscene Self-Love. Sometimes it's easier to embody something by pretending it is a dream. What does your dream of Self-Love look like?

Self-Love Dream

In my self-love dream I have many fishes to tend to.

My thighs cup the glowing bay where they found a safe place.

Their flickering muscled movements paint me back my secret colors

So I’m cultivating many, many fish.

Each Spring I spill them out into the roadside gullies and they feed the whole Earth.

Even you.

In my self-love dream the struggle is the best part.

Strangers gather on Thanksgiving around TV sets and watch me weep on the big screen

They eat chicken wings and knead moist tissues in their moist hands

Afterwards they are silent

Or they cheer

One sighs            “Masterpiece” 

 and another pledges that one day they will weep like me.

In my self-love dream

My fingers are my lovers.

My palms orient to the soft parts of my hips

And the whole truth is renamed                              

pressing.

I hold up Pleasure again and again to marvel

Before I melt back into the tide.

Inevitable.

In my self-love dream all of the ants know my name

And even when no one smiles at me at the library

All of the ants still know my name.

In my self-love dream

I am not sitting in this chair.

My ass sits in the outstretched hand of Mother Earth herself. She’s just holding me here.

Even though it’s silly and I could really just use the chair,

She doesn’t mind.

She says              

 Sometimes Love is silly.

In my self-love dream

I am sitting in this chair.

I am breathing and I notice that

                                I am still breathing.

It’s too late,

And im too tired,

                                                                And my hair’s wrong,

And I cannot believe how impossibly beautiful

I am.

In my self-love dream

I wake up.           

     

First Thoughts

Many things happen, and all the damn time. Time and its endless mush keeps goo-ing on, not in one direction but all over the place, all thick and floating and sticking and sometimes, rarely, translucent.

What I end up doing (I use the phrase “end up” cause that's what it feels like) with my crazy time is travel on foot and by thumb, finding the humyns who inspire me and diving into the projects that make me alive. I have been traveling to ecovillages, radical queer communities, hoppin cities and wacked out protests. Some of this is intentional, much of this is an unlikely combination of instinct and wind direction.

This traveling, networking some might say, puts me ever in a state of leaned back awe. Sometimes I wonder what the thread is that holds all of this dreaming together, and I realize that I am the common variable in this trip (aka my life thing). Held in this queer feminist anti-racist anarchist-tending love bug is some sort of synthesis of actions and communities that I hope to articulate on these pages. I have learned a lot and will use this writing to connect more threads and learn deeper. For those dedicated to life liberation (all of us in some private way, no?) this is a space for us to gather more tactics, more articulations, and, most importantly, more friends.

Method to the m(adn)ess:

This blog has several categories. I may narrow down or expand what I write about here after I figure out what translates best to blog-o-land, so give me feedback. Really like direct action ideas but hate poems? Really like poems but want more photos? Let me know and then it will get better. This shit should be useful and fun, cause nothing's useful if it ain't fun. My main goal is to synthesize ideas coming from many places and communities and spit them back in a way that is useful for all of us.