The Practice of Decision-Making Part 3: Writing is so awesome

This is the third in a series of articles about The Practice of Decision-Making – situating the experience of decision-making in the context of healing. Decision-making is an anxiety-riddled experience for many folks navigating this age of information. By transforming the process of decision-making into an opportunity for self-healing, we step beyond the bounds of the decision itself, reclaiming our inherent value. And, conveniently, we learn to make better decisions for ourselves.

Hi sweet humoons! We’ve manifested a New Year. We did it. I’m glad to be writing to you, to myself. I decide to call this a New Year, a new beginning, a re-set. I could call it just some more days, but I choose to take on the cultural consideration as my own. Sure. New Year. New Life. Let’s go there. I’m into it. Thanks for reading, if you are just now joining this discussion of decision-making as a mindfulness practice, you may want to go back to the introductory article posted on December 24th, 2013. Or just jump in. Enjoy and please comment/message me with your own stories. Without further ado:

Writing is so awesome

Writing is a great technology. In school most of us spent years of our precious youth learning how to use it for criticizing and memorizing. At this point it might be your go-to relationship with the written word. However, there are unspeakable benefits to writing on your own terms, for intuitive reflection and self-healing. Imagine if your high school English class had a final exam on making mind maps and dream journals! Here is how one can use the tool of the written word, and listing specifically, to scaffold their decision-making practice.

These tools are particularly useful if these experiences sound familiar to you:

·         Avoidance of the decision
·         Obsession with the decision
·         Both avoidance and obsession with the decision

• Thinking about the decision induces a sense of discomfort or anxiety

·         All thoughts and actions somehow make you think about the impending decision
·         Resistance to taking action
·         A lurking suspicion that there’s some factor being ignored, but an inability to name it
·         Guilt about time not spent on working out the decision
·         No time spent not working out the decision, cause you’re thinking about it even while you do other stuff. Stuff that might even be interesting if you weren’t so consumed with the impending decision.

Enter the list. At that first moment I realize my head is doing somersaults, right then and there is my in, my opportunity to interrupt my own flailing and channel that very flailing into the foundation of my decision-making process. There is good information in that flailing; the key is to utilize the flail instead of letting it dump unproductively into the chasm of brain chatter.

At this point, sit down with a pencil or a keyboard or a very pleasant-to-use pen, and start writing 2 lists –

Your Game-Plan List (or whatever you want to call it) and your Personal Reflections List (still, whatever you want to call it).

It doesn’t matter which list your write first, they’ll probably both co-evolve and you’ll jump from one to the other. You need both and you need them to be separate.

The Game-Plan List is purely a list of action-items: people you need to contact, emails you need to send, websites you need to look at, things you gotta/wanna do. The Personal Reflections List is where you put all the pertinent questions that underlay this decision, it contains the underlying foundation of a solid, healthy and relevant choice. Both of these serve the purpose of mapping out what you’ll need to do to make your decision. Don’t drown in your mind’s endless ability to invent new things you haven’t considered. Write it all down.

The Game-Plan List

Ask yourself “What do I need to do to make a good decision? What do I need to know to make a good decision? What do I need to feel to make a good decision?” and write down everything that comes to mind. Whatever you come up with will be perfectly suited to your unique situation, because you know best what’s real for you. Everything at this stage should be an action step for further investigation - jot things down without laboring out the details. You don’t have to think about details yet! That alone is a huge relief. Don’t think about details before you have somewhere useful to put them. After you make the skeleton of your list, you can go back and start filling it in as fully or simply as you want.  The Personal Reflection List is definitely an action item.

So for example, if you worry that “If I do this, it might mean I can’t do something else, and I’m not even sure what else I might do” then, perfect, there’s an item for your list –

·         List all other options

This game-plan list does lots of things. It will help you keep track of what you’ve already figured out, so you don’t waste your time figuring it out all over again. It will empower you to take a break from thinking about the decision, because you’ll know concretely how far along you are on your list. When you’re working on your list, you’re working. When you’re not, you’re not. Think about something else. Watch a movie. Touch yourself with various pleasant smelling oils. Etc.

This was my game-plan list for a recent big decision:

o   Research (who should I talk to?)

§  Call

·         Platypusbuttqueen

·         Etc

§  Email

·         Lizardfacenelson

·         etc

o   Make Personal Reflections List

o   List all options I know of

§  Do it

§  Don’t do it and do X

§  Don’t do it and do Y

o   Research other options

§  Tinselbackhounddog’s suggestions

§  Google Search Landia

o   Get any other information I need

§  Cost

§  Scheduling

§  Etc.

o   Tarot

o   Check in with my experience throughout

Yes, Tarot was one of my action items. And it rules. I highly recommend some form of divination as a part of the game-plan. It makes it that much more obvious that this should be playful; it helps you get out of your own way; and it makes it more likely that you’re gonna light some incense which is nice.

The Personal Reflections List

This is where we step beyond the utilitarian get-it-over-with approach to decision-making, and enter into a process that is firmly rooted in healing and transformation. Oh it’s so rich. Your personal reflections is a list of questions that you are asking yourself. Deep questions, questions that lurk in the shadowy centers of our doubts and our dreams. This is a great home for our brain chatter. That chatter is there for a reason – you’re rehashing traumas from your past, insecurities, nodding at topics you’ve been trying to avoid. Translate each anxiety into a question to ask yourself. Trust your gut – if a question appears but doesn’t seem relevant, write it down anyway. There are no dumb questions on this list. In fact, I find it really helpful to write essentially the same question several different ways, opening up new angles of understanding. After you come up with a good mess of questions to ask yourself, sit down, check in with your body, and start answering as honestly and non-judgmentally as possible. As you go along your day, add more questions as new topics of brain chatter appear or as other information comes in. 

Here’s my list:

·         What are my fears around this?

   This is, to me, the most important thing to come to terms with. What am I afraid of here? Write out everything and anything that comes to mind. Then investigate these fears – Where is this fear coming from? Is it valid? Is it suspiciously similar to a fear you have about other situations? Is it directly linked with the choice on hand, a result of the inherent quality of the options? or is it a fear that you carry in general, that would inevitably crop up given any choice or commitment? Once I realized that my fears around the situation were just my own all-purpose baggage and not specific to the situation, I could think more clearly about the actual situation on hand. I also figured out what my baggage is, inviting self-acceptance and compassion. Sweet.

·         What are my judgments?

I can be pretty judgy. I think a lot of idealists/activists are. My own judgments usually have to do with selling out and fulfilling standard societal expectations, and/or fulfilling stereotypical archetypes of alternative radical communities. It feels good to just write that down, acknowledge that that’s going on.

·         What are my expectations?

Do you already think this is dumb? Do you already think everyone else will judge you? Do you already think this is so freaking awesome and perfect?

·         What are my assumptions?

This one is hard. It’s hard to step outside of yourself enough to know what you are assuming. But it’s all linked with fears and expectations so just try your best. I often assume that the decision I am making matters very much. And that it is a firm life-long commitment. And it will be the pivotal decision on which all else hangs.

·         What do I want to get out of this?

Not what you should get out of this; what you, in your life as a humyn bean, want to get out of this.

·         Does this align with my goals?

This is a time to tap into the whole story of you; not just the “you” who is being faced with this impending choice. You have been evolving an orientation towards life and a set of morals and personal wonderfulness for your whole damn life; respect that and let it work for you. The truth is that you’ve already done the vast majority of the work in terms of deciding. You’ve already lived for your whole life, brought yourself to certain situations and cultivated certain interests and ideas around you. Does this choice align with the “you” who wrote your New Year’s resolutions? Does this make any sense given what you’ve even vaguely been moving towards, or is this totally a different direction? Which might be fine, it’s just good to own that.

·         Is this what I’ve been looking for?

AKA what I’ve been asking for, what I’ve been praying for, what I’ve been longing for, etc. Sometimes when we want something, we form an image of what that thing is, how it will look, and how it will present itself. We get so swept up in the story that when the answer to our prayers comes, we can’t recognize it as such. It doesn’t smell like the dish we cooked up in our brains. Reality rarely mimics our pre-conceived notions, so be open to the possibility that this is exactly what you want. Also be open to the possibility even though it looks deceptively like the dish cooking in your brains, it might smell and taste totally different. You don’t have to force it to. I myself get distracted by the delivery too – I often feel that valid opportunities should arrive accompanied by a crystal in the crusty palm of a strange medicine woman who I met hitching in the hills of a small town way out of my way. When that opportunity actually arrives via facebook comment, I need to get out of my own way to recognize it as the synchronistic love note from Goddess I’ve been asking for.

And how do I even know what I’ve been asking for? I re-read my journals. I look back at all the New Moon Intentions I’ve set lately. I think about I’ve been excited to talk to friends about lately.

·         Who is affected by this decision?

Are there people besides you who are affected by this who you are not thinking about? Is there a potential that someone might be hurt? Is there a potential that someone might be helped? Do you need to clear something up with anyone before you step forward in good conscience?

·         Is there something I’m not thinking of?

Yeah, that herbalism class sounds awesome, but do you realize that Beyonce is playing a free live show in your buddy’s basement the same night as the final? I mean, certification is cute and all but let’s keep our priorities straight. Jk. No but serious.

Empowering much? I say yes, deeply. Journey forth with courage and confidence, may we learn from it all.